Monday, September 26, 2005

Chamber of Secrets...

My ex-husband got married on Saturday. I have a small secret to confess – I couldn’t be happier for him and his new wife.

Everyone keeps asking me if I am "okay" or "how do I feel about it." I see them glance quickly at me when I talk about it, trying to discern whatever they think "my true hidden feelings" should be. I must admit I don’t understand this behaviour – do other people really breakdown when their Ex’s remarry? To be frank, I can’t imagine a better possible sum to the equation. The happier he is the happier, and stronger, my blended family becomes.

I could never hate my first husband – nor could I hate his wife for that matter, as she was my friend long before they got together. Hate is such a wasteful, unproductive and childish emotion, and one can never be truly happy if they allow hate to consume even a small part of their life. As I am amazingly happy with my life it only makes good sense to wish that also for them. They are both good people, afterall, and if there is anything in this world to celebrate it is good people coming together.

I wish him and his new wife the same happiness that I cherish in my own life – the happiness that reaches into every corner of the heart; that rings with laughter and lingers in smiles; that lives in memories and yet blooms anew every single day; the kind of happiness that fills the home and life with love, laughter and playfullness.

Congratulations, Mark and Val Smyth, and best wishes!

1 comment:

Beatrice said...

I have also encountered this attitude from other people who think you're going to break down when your ex gets married. One time, an ex of mine e-mailed me a few days before he got married to tell me that he was getting married and was obviously trying to make me feel bad. My reaction was to e-mail him back to congratulate him. I really didn't care that he was getting married.

I think the idea of having a break down maybe comes from a comparison, like the person I was with before has moved on more than I have, or something like that. It seems to me to be a silly thing to be upset about an ex's new marriage if one is broken up with the person. Perhaps the key to not being negatively impacted by an event like an ex's new marriage is to be content with where you are with your own life.

I think that you have a wonderful and healthy outlook on this, Allie, that will only serve to strengthen the bonds of your family.