Get busy Living or Get busy Dying

Looking for a job today. Let me know if you find any! *smiles*

Killing various birds with one stone.......

Things that made me happy today.....

* This morning I was fondled awake by the worlds best boyfriend, who then got up (on his day off) to make me coffee! What a delightful start to the morning...

* I had a meeting with a Doctor this morning who praised my son and told me how wonderful, smart and mature he was (which ofcourse I already knew, but one can never be too sure it isn't just Mother Bias...)

* Work has been slow, which means I can play more ~ I have caught up reading all of my blogs and regular webstops.

* Music has permeated my afternoon... my friend/colleague Debbie has her radio on an 80's station and each song has brought back some memory for me, causing me to smile as I skip my way down Memory Lane!

* Duncan is cooking dinner (lasagna), which should be ready for when I get home from work!!!!

* I am in love and loved in return!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Things that make you go hmmmmmm......

* It's an unhappy birthday for Saddam Hussein today, where ever he might (or might not) be....

* Whilst I am known to be very fond of honesty, there are some things better left unsaid. Some times, much better......

* One of the blogs I visit has a great story of a close encounter that made me laugh.... and then embarked me into an adventure I wasn't sure I needed....

* It appears that General Tommy Franks has been targeted by Iraqi's in a different arena.... although I doubt anything will come of it.

* Conspiracy or cover up???? Something fishy about this feline story....

* Oh yeah... and for the helplessly paranoid... will the world end on May 15th 2003? It seems to me the world is always ending.....

Too Much Info?????

Despite an amazing snow storm we enjoyed a fabulously productive weekend! We moved Grandma and Grandpa, went to a garage sale, watched two movies (Casino and Phantom Menace), played video games, cleaned the whole house, separated the kids rooms(they are thrilled), got drunk, went for coffee this morning and went shopping. It’s been delightful!

At the garage sale this weekend we picked up a pickle dish (it’s a long standing joke between us and Duncan’s boss’s wife), along with a book I have been wanting. The pickle dish obviously signals a new level to our relationship…. Isn’t that cute?

We have a sweet little porch off of our bedroom, which I furnished on Friday (just in time for snow) with patio furniture and a little plant. It will be nice to greet the morning with coffee or watch the stars come out at night drinking wine. I really like that this place has two balcony's and a fire place. It’s gorgeous!

SIGH............

The CBC is reporting that George W. Bush believes:

"that chemical and biological weapons might not be found in Iraq, saying the arsenal could have been destroyed or moved out of the country."

Wasn't that what they were soposed to do to avoid being invaded?!?!?!??!?! Geez. In the ever reaching efforts to justify this action, I am not sure this is the best approach.

Well we are off all day today helping Duncan's Grandma move - so I will leve you to consider that tiny little tidbit. Enjoy!

It's a free country.... isn't it?

The beauty of living where we live is being allowed to have an opinion, and enjoying the freedom to express and opine as one sees fit. That my opinion differs from someone next to me is accepted and even encouraged. I get to pick my battles, decide who or what I support and fight the fights I believe in -- and do so without being labelled a terrorist or targetting in a boycott. People choose wether or not to take me seriously, and visa versa.

Here I think I will defer to Lt Smash, who's humble opinion I appreciate as he frames this issue directly.

Snipets of Wisdom

I love Quotes, I have always collected them, on scraps of paper and in journals and books, sayings and claims that ring true and touch my soul in certain ways. Sometimes a simple few words can contain an eternity of wisdom. A couple of movies I saw recently had some quotes that have seemed to resonate within me, as well as match the self reflective mood I have been in lately.

"Get busy living or get busy dying" - Shawshank Redemption (one of Duncan's favourite movies)

"If you hang on to the past you die a little each day. I want to live." - Cape Fear

Baby, you ought to be in pictures…..

I read a story (An Exercise in Fertility) in my ever continuing journey through my new book about a woman's brutally honest experience with being barren and so desperately wanting a baby that she would do, and did, anything. The story was very moving and made me realize that within the subject of babies and fertility perhaps lie the most painful experiences a woman can muster her courage to get through.

Having a child is undeniably one of the most incredible and mysterious powers that women possess. I would never dare go so far as to suggest you aren’t a woman without being a mother (I know personally of several woman who do not desire children), but I do think that womanhood is illustrated especially well by motherhood.

I personally never had any problems conceiving, and in actuality my son was conceived on the very first “try”. I merely decided that I wanted a baby very badly and that it was time. Almost too easily, like women before me for millions of years. But for the women around me, friends and sisters, I recognize it has not always been so.

My best friend had her first miscarriage when I was pregnant with my daughter. Our babies would have been born the same month, similar to the scant 6 weeks that divide our first babies, both boys. Instead an early tragedy prevented this, and it was perhaps never fully mourned due to the birth of my own baby. It almost seemed taboo.

I remember the moment the reality hit home. It was when my best friend held my daughter, lovingly, in her arms and with tears silently welling in her eyes quietly said

"She should have been mine"

that I felt an undeniable pain pierce my heart…. almost the worst pain I have ever felt, like I had somehow let down someone I would have done anything for. My joy seemed at the expense of her own and there were days I could not forgive myself for it, even though no guilt would ever have been implied. I could only hope she could forgive me.

There is nothing like the guilt a woman feels when she has a baby and another woman, close to her, can not. When that other woman is your best friend, whom you have loved since childhood, it is worse. It still haunts me, at times like this, when something triggers the memory and the experience creeps back.

When my best friend endured her second miscarriage, the effect was devastating to us all. She was 5 1/2 months pregnant, after a couple of years of yearning, trying, wanting. Five months is a long time. We had already made a place in our lives and world for this person, loving this little he or she that would soon grace our life. It's hard to understand the pain that comes with an event like this - we had lost someone tangible yet it hardly seemed real. Like someone had dangled a special prize in front of us and yanked it away at the last moment, gone as if it were never offered. My heart cried.

The good news is my best friend did eventually have two more children and in true Mormon fashion is about to adopt two more children. The author of the story I read, along with her husband, adopted a baby girl. Through the special pains that wanting and attempting to have children may bring each woman, there are glorious and amazing triumphs to be celebrated. My children are my greatest achievements. Family is an art form.

Children are amazing and beautiful expressions of how we love life and the people we are with. I have been blessed in my life with two wonderful children. They bring me a sense of happiness and purpose to my living that can’t be achieved in any other sense (as well as being challenged and downright frustrated at times!). The story has encouraged me to remember my experiences and to ponder potential future additions to my family…

My boyfriend desperately did not want to have children with his now ex wife, and I know she asserted a horrible amount of pressure, guilt and grief about this. Knowing this, I treat the topic with kid gloves, recognizing and respecting his tenderness around it. As I watch him, I see he nurtures a certain unspoken fascination with the idea of babies and children, gently mulling the idea over in his head. Sometimes we use humour to address it and sometimes we just daydream as couples are apt to do.

Yes, in the future I have a special place for another baby in my life. Not really soon, as we are in no rush, but at the perfect time. We even have a name picked out, ready for our little one. And in the meantime, as we both get busy with the business of living, we will look forward to a time when we welcome this expected miracle to share our life with us.

I believe in miracles.

Pause for reflection

"Curiousity is one of the permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect" - S. Johnson

Here's a thought.....
Am I being too limited, too small for who I really am? Expansion can be scary and growth can at times even appear foriegn (but I look forward to it)..... I think, and I contemplate, and therefore I am..... It is better to ask the questions than to know all the answers.....

I am perfect aren't I? Well that's what I am told!


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare!! You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.



What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

OH..... And by the way, whatever you do... don't click HERE!!!!!!

Pondering my “Self Identity”

When I was a young child, I used to ponder the meaning of life to pass the time – this would sometimes involve me laying in the sun, for hours, staring up at the sky, watching the clouds go by. This is apparently where my perchance for deep thoughts come from, borne from a natural tendency and desire to know my world better. When I was a teenager I would gaze at the stars and through that feeling of insignificance I found the mystery of life to be a marvelous topic for my little head. My journey through womanhood has continued to teach me many things, and my fascination is no longer held merely by the meaning of life. Within in the accumulated wisdom of my womanhood I have grown to realize that what is really important to ponder is the meaning of me.

I often permit my friends cognitive meanderings to provide some direction for my own (you can learn amazing amounts about yourself from other peoples suggestions) indulging myself in an inner journey that promotes self discovery…. Considering my inner self is really the only way to really understanding what my self identity is comprised of.

A good friend of mine recently posted about trying to figure out what she wants to do/be when she grows up. Sometimes I vaguely wonder this myself – although the greater part of me realizes that I never want to be trapped into some sort of plan that will inevitably become obsolete and find myself losing interest in 10 years down the road. I like to live each of my days, and not defer any to the future.

I have seen so many people get trapped into these ideas… “I will do x, y and z and in ten years I will have everything I want”. The problem is, as we grow, what we want, and care to want, changes. If you are unable to accept this reality, then your world falls apart with unhappiness and denial becomes mistaken for complacency as we pretend to enact the status quo. As people we have to be flexible enough to be able to adapt our dreams, incorporate new dreams and invite others to share in them without losing ourselves. We have to know ourselves and be prepared to do whatever it takes to be who we want to be, when we want to be it. Without this knowledge of ourselves we lapse into sad little psychosis, hatred and obsessions with other people.

It is self-evident that you cannot be anyone else but yourself. People who pretend otherwise will lose themselves.

I recognize in myself a free spirit – I want to be able to spread my wings at any moment of my choosing and not find myself constrained by someone else. I am often apt to act on impulse and regularly love to dream up new directions for my life as each mood takes me somewhere else in my world. I do find some comfort in knowing where I am going, what my partner desires out of life, what I am prepared to do to achieve both of those, and having short term, even some long term plans/goals to work towards…. but I have long since learnt to leave our options open.

I have been reading the book Duncan got me for Easter – Dropped Threads 2. It is a wonderful book (Thank you Duncan)! I am enjoying the gifts that it is revealing to me…. it is making me think. Each woman shares a story that incites feelings that I recognize and sympathize with… there is power in being a woman, power in standing up for who you are, power in claiming your rightful place in the world. I know who I am, but I also know that I am changing, and I look forward to sharing the person I will be in 10 years with the people who love me now. I will blog more about the book as I read through it.... it is bound to offer much blogging type material.

Please excuse me.... I have been invited in mid bloggin to go off and play Diablo online in a realm! Its my first realm game..... so wish me luck! I will blog more later!

PURITY? WHO NEEDS PURITY? How boring.....

Ok.... The higher the score the more pure you are...... I am working on it! The greatest thing about purity tests is getting ideas for new adventures with my partner! Oppsss.. did I say that out loud????

I scored 47¾% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test!

Take the test here!

SPEAK UP!!!!!

On April 20th Sarah Poloza wrote this letter in her blog. I want to share it with you for a few reasons: First, it is well written and Sarah has managed to eloguently express what many of us have had a difficult time putting into words. Second, it rings true to my own feelings about Mr Hussein….. and last, I adore when people put their feelings into writing and speak out for what they believe in. I visit Sarah’s site often for a point of view that is not always my own, but very well presented and more then deserving of my time.

Mr. Saddam Hussein,
In my short life, I have had the opportunity to travel to about a dozen countries other than my own. In each place, though separated by culture, and society, I have found a general need for the citizens as a whole to unite, despite their differences. It is this desire to unite that will bring the world its peace.
You sir, have attemped just the opposite.
Like Hitler, Stalin, and Lenin before your time, you have attempted to justify the murders of thousands of people for your own self promotion. You have had your secret police terrorize your own people, so that you can achieve complete control. You have done anything and everything to accomplish this goal. Yet there is something that you missed.
The Iraqi people, though they fear you, do not respect you. These are the men and women who were your greatest enimies. These are the ones who despised you the most. All they needed was the means to dispose of you, which we have provided.
Mr. Hussein, you are a worthless piece of human. We have learned one thing from you; what not to become when in power.
I pray, above all things, that you are somewhere buried under the ruins of your own regime. I hope that before you have left this world, you see the hatred in your fellow Iraqi's eyes. I hope that you realize how you have treated these fine human beings and that this realization will leave you silent, hopeless, and alone.
Sarah Plazola

MY INNER BARBIE

Wow.... My Dad would have been proud

I am at Duncan's work (helping him out - can't you tell?). It seems I can't avoid politics.... it appears to be my destiny - so bring it on!




You are the Presidental Barbie! While the rest of the world thinks the middle east is just where America goes to test out bombs, you actually realize it is an important section of the world. What's more, I bet you enjoy taking World Geography!! Politics are important to you. If you are a GOOD Presidential Barbie, you realize that the Green Party sucks.

What kind of Barbie are you?

Guess I am not as crazy as I sometimes think I am!!!!!!!!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

PS.... If you think you are crazy, and taking the test proves it to you - then take your problems and questions to the Advice Bunny!

HoPPy EaSteR Everybunny!



The kids discovered admist much joviality (at 6:00am) that the Easter Bunny had hidden several chocolate items, and a few gifts, for their pleasure and consumption, in the living room. The easter bunny was also good to me...I got a box of Purdy's Hedgehogs (YUMMY) and a book edited by Carol Shields titled dropped threads 2; inspiring, funny and compelling! The easter bunny also gifted us all with Harry Potter, Lost and Delirious, Armageddon, and Go. I really like the movie Lost and Delirious, so watch for some sort of commentary soon.

I love long weekends - it feels like I should have gone to work this morning, but instead we enjoyed breakfast out with the kids (at our sunday coffee spot) and the staff oggled over them. The kids usually visit their dad's house on the weekends, so it was really nice to share today with them. After visiting Roger's Video (a normal part of our usual sunday routine, but also the only retail store open for miles) we have come home to settle down for a couple of hours before Grandma gets here. Duncan and Wesley are battling some sort of alien invading force with the rented copy of Contra: Shatterred Soldier that they selected, and along with several rented videos we have increased our DVD collection to 108 with the addition of The Ring (thank you Duncan!).

Duncan bought Wesley a book for easter, and although I somewhat expected him to be pleased I have been surprised about how engrossed he has been with it - he is literally devouring the book. It is Halo: The Fall of Reach. Wesley plans to finish it (all 340 pages) and use it as the subject of his book report in school. I think it may be the longest book he read since The Red Badge of Courage, and I am happy to see him enjoying books, as well as findning time for them admist all the other things that a busy 9 year old boy does.

Well soon Grandma will be here, and then we will be heading out for dinner at Aunt Louise's (gorgeous new) house with the family. It is a gorgeous, beautiful and warm day - one of those days where everything seems just fine with the world. I am going to have a bath, and then sit out on the porch, in the sun (starting on my tan), and reading my new book (I will let you know how it is later).

I hope that peace is with you all this day.

Todays occupation is brought to you by the letter "O".....

First, I want to quickly apologize to those who have noticed my absence - real life has interfered recently with my ability to blog and I apologize. I have been very busy, and it is the Easter long weekend so there are many tasks to accomplish..... besides working/meetings we have also been shopping (we're not religious but its still fun to buy easter gifts), playing video games, spring cleaning and redecorating bedroom furniture! Most of all, it has been nice to enjoy a long weekend with each other....

In quick perusal of the news I see mostly stuff that doesn't surprise me... the US seems content to occupy Iraq, maybe until they can find some sort of elusive/banned weapons, but atleast until the fall of this year. The locals are getting restless.

A little closer to home - the anniversary of Columbine's High School shootings are tomorrow (April 20 1999). 15 people died (including the 2 gunmen) in one of the worst school shootings in history. It's perhaps a moment to stop and think what we are teaching our youth about how problems are settled or dealt with. My earnest desire is for the culture of America to heal itself...... because violence can only beget violence.

For everyone celebrating passover and easter, happy hoildays! For everyone else, enjoy the long weekend, it's one of the few benefits of living in a christian oriented country!

You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.

What inner color are you?

Story Time

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who had a very bad temper. Her mother gave her a bag of nails and told her that every time she lost her temper, she must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the girl had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as she learned to control her anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. She discovered it was easier to hold her temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the girl didn't lose her temper at all. She told her mother about it and the mother suggested that the girl now pull out one nail for each day that she was able to hold her temper. The days passed and the young girl was finally able to tell her mother that all the nails were gone.

The mother took her daughter by the hand and led her to the fence. She said, "You have done well, my daughter, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one." You can put a knife in a person and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there.

Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole in your fence.

EYES WIDE OPEN - My World I see in my Love's eyes



The eyes of my Love contain a world in themselves... they are delightful, like a rare butterfly, joy's light reflected - brighter then the sun with his love of life, of me.

His look empties me and fills me at the same time; I could happily be lost in his gaze forever, caught in the tide of passion and desire. Looking into the depths of his eyes is to be engulphed within the depths of love itself - When I look into his eyes, I see myself!



The eyes of my Love are the color of "dreamy" and "delicious", for all the colors in the world, the rainbow even, dull in comparison to the colors I witness in his eyes... within my true love's eyes I see the poetry of our world together, my reason for life, my dreams come true... I see a beautiful sunrise that beckons me to a magnificient dance with him, forever.



I will commit a lifetime to ensure dark skies never float in my Love's eyes; to ensure that only desire burns in them, to ensure romance dances across them and happiness sparkles endlessly.... for the world I see in my Love's eyes is an endlessly beautiful world!

ME! ME! ME! It's ALL About ME, Baby!!!!!

Well, I am at work today, and for lack of better inspiration I have been visiting SPARK.com. Here's what I have learnt about myself today.....



I am certifiably 29% bitch! Lower than the worldwide average of 38%, out of all the respondants 2% was the same as me, 21% less bitchy than me, and 77% bitchier than me! Also.....

"Joyous trumpets and champagne supernovas!!!" I am 87% a rock-solid best friend! Lets indulge in an excerpt shall we???? "Some people put their neck on the line for their friends; you put your ass on the line. And by the way, nice ass. People know they can count on you in a crunch, in a jam, and in other food metaphors describing times of desperation. You give the gift of hope, but more importantly, you give the gift of kidney. Your rewards in life will be great, or at least better than other people's." Apparently, out of all the respondants, there is only 6% of people more trustworthy then me, while 2% are the same, and a whopping 91% are less trustworthy than myself.

MMmmmMMmMMmmmm... I like twinkies! *winks* 69% on the Love Test... not sure exactly what that means, but the SPARK love test says.... "You're in pure love— the kind with sonnets and hovering cherubs— and you ache like an old man's back for your crush. The superficial things that other people care about— money, looks, body odor— don't hold much water with you". Acoording to the respondants of this particular test, There is only 26% of people more loveable than myself, 3% just as lovable... and 70% of people much less lovable then me... aren't I a doll?

Damn, I am 80% dateable! "Attractive and confident, witty and charming, a healthy ambrosia-based diet... you're wanted in the 48 contiguous states, you slayer. Call me. Seduce me. Make me a man. Not only do you know how to turn a guy's (or girl's) engines on, but you also know how to oil, lube and rotate it. You put the "elation" back into "relationship." MmmMmMmmmm... I am a twinkie! *winks*. With only 15% of people more dateable then myself, and only 3 % in my league, that leaves 81% in a real lurch heh?????

Go test yourself. Its fun. Thanks to Kim for the idea..... it has made my afternoon live-able and helped to absolve some of the guilt I feel for not blogging recently. Today is a selfish day, I guess.... me orientated. But the world revolves around me anyways, doesn't it?

Disclaimer: Hehehe, I love you all! I know that it is truly my friends and the people who love me that make me the wonderful and happy person that I am! If I am a good friend/person it is only because of the wonderful friends and people I have in my life! I have learnt from the best!

I am a SUPER-HERO!!! I am a SUPER-HERO!!!

I am the champions - my friends
And I'll keep on fighting
Till the end
I am the champion
I am the champion
No time for losers
'Cause I am the champion of the World

There is an error somewhere on Allie's page as well. Given how little I understand java script and how large and complex a document a blog page is, I may never find it.

But it could be the source of all our problems. But if it were, changing the template would work. Hmmm... maybe I should check the faq's again.

So I can make new paragraphs with html code, but it will be a bitch to go back and update all the old posts.

I wonder what went wrong. I've checked the blogger faq's and redone the template a couple of times. I also checked the settings.

What else can a Duncan do?

This is just the first in a series of tests to Allie's blog to figure out why line breaks and new paragraphs aren't working.

They will be deleted when finished.

Just go about your business and no one will get hurt.

Some pictures!

Thanks to Quynn for sending us pictures from Red Deer and to Duncan's Dad for sending us some snaps of Will!


Duncan's little brother, Will, at Christmas


Will again


Duncan and Allie at the Red Deer PC conference (lunch)


Duncan and Allie at Breakfast in Red Deer (PC conference in March) with everyone

Interesting.....

All of my spaces (between paragraphs) seem to have disappeared...... I guess we are experiencing technical difficulties......

Resistance is Futile….

“Let it not be said that people in the United States did nothing when their government declared a war without limit and instituted stark new measures of repression.”

Not in our name

Weapons of Mass Persuasion

LT Smash declares Saddam (atleast as good as) dead as supposed Iraqi people struggle to topple a giant statue of Saddam. Very symbolic heh? Looks great on TV doesn’t it?

Sometimes perspective is hard to keep in focus…. (what was this war all about again?)

But.... before we get all wrapped up in this celebration and jubilantly declare the war over, there exists suggestions of media manipulations and propaganda and psy-ops (like most people even know what a psy-ops is).

Some people say the entire statue episode was completely staged by the military who used the media to this end. Some people suggest merely that viewers were mislead by over zealous media outlets. Some may suggest you can’t trust the corporate media, or anything you watch on TV. If I may be so bold, I would suggest that you consider everything you see or hear very carefully with discernment, prejudice and a healthy skepticism.

But then again…… The medium is the message……

MEAN PEOPLE SUCK

I woke up today thinking about mean people. I don’t just mean regular people who can be mean sometimes (as we all are). I am referring to the actual bon a fide “mean” person. That rare breed of person whose meanness consumes them as they seem to dedicate their life to it, even though it obviously makes them unhappy. You know, the kind of people Nostradamus warned us about (beware the antichrist)….

The kind you would almost feel sorry for, but they somehow seem deserving of their own misery.

Sometimes I am more of a bitch then I tend to give myself credit for (and today I feel a particular brand of bitchiness coming on). I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, and yes, sometimes my second time around is just to apologize. But generally, as it is with most people, I am not mean, and even when I try to be I experience difficulty in sustaining it for long periods of time.

Having unwittingly introduced my very own mean person into my life (yes, I know the meanest person in the world) has given me a whole new perspective on what it actually means to be mean. If you typed in “mean people” on agoogle search, her web site would come up (if the university hadn’t removed it from their server). Meanness exudes in abundance from her, with a spitefulness typical only of an obnoxious, tyranical badger, and all in addition to other weird (read borderline psychotic) behaviour that would seem unbecoming to most people, yet somehow it suits her. (Yes I hear what you are saying, and the authorities are involved). I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but it wont be soon enought that her attentions are directed elsewhere. Maybe I should write her a PFO letter? (Hmmm watch site for updates......)

Everyone out there who has had this same kind of experience understands and is giggling softly while reading along, and for everyone who can’t understand it – I sincerely hope you never will. It's not debilitating to bear the brunt of someone's hate and anger, but it does get old. I mean, get a life!

A rant's a rant, and I make no apologies for mine today, I just say it like it is. Mean People Suck. And you know what? I don’t have to like her. I don’t even have to pretend.

Insults for "Meanies"
Mean People Rock

Successful Performance!

I had my annual evaluation at work today, and it was great! I haven't had this type of evaluation since I left the army, but I am deemed competent, qualified and dependable with a good manner and positive attitude (that the abridged version). Yay me. These kinds of things are good ego strokes once in a while.

Oh yeah, and I almost forgot to mention that I was offered a Bike Courier job for the summer if I would like it! I had mentioned to a friend I would love to get paid to ride my bike (and be outside for the summer) and she recommended me to a friend who owns a courier company downtown. I don't know a whole lot of details yet, should find out more over lunch today... and I am not available until the end of April anyways.... but it's been a good day!

He never loses his hat

All Hail Indiana Jones! Finally, and not soon enough, we will have the Indy triology released on DVD. I can't wait to buy these for Duncan! He has waited longer then a Duncan should have to wait for what he wants...... now, keep your fingers crossed for Star Wars and Schindler's List!!!!

Perhaps the second day to live in Infamy

You know how life is full of contrasts, extremes and ever-conflicting emotions? You know how you can sometimes support one thing but then not another... even if they are compatible, or not? How sometimes those lines are so blurred that not even you can convince yourself of your opinion, even if you declare it? How sometimes you waffle between one thought and another thought, and the emotions inside of you are an anxious turmoil that threatens to drag you down into the quagmire... We are afterall, only human. We try hard, we try not to be too righteous, we try to defend what we believe in, we try not to give in to emotions like hate, revenge, anger..... we try not to let events color our interpretation of life, not to be too judgmental without knowing the other side, we try to be good people. I believe people, for the most part are good.

Lots of time we fail. Too often we get caught up in emotions and have reacted before we rationally consider what has happened. Sometimes it is easier to lie to ourselves, pleasantly protected in our denial, instead of bravely facing reality as it is presented. Again, we are only human.

Sometimes we just need friends to catch us as we fall, or help us pick up the pieces. Sometimes we are sorry for feeling a certain way (or something we said), and others we absolutley offer no apologies for. Somethings we feel we can't forgive people for, and there are somethings we can never ask forgiveness for.

But always.... always, there is another side to every situation. There is always someone feeling differently then you, someone who disagrees with you, someone who is afraid and sad when you are happy, someone who has lost when you are celebrating, and visa versa. It's very hard to engage this world of ours today without trying, at the very least, to understand how the other person feels.

Don't mistake this as a rant for moral realitivity - but perhaps recognize it a way of understanding how my own thoughts can differ from one day to the other, how my loyalties are torn, how demands are made on my opinions, how my age (now I am in my 30's) precludes me from being absloultey sure of right or wrong..... how I have an awareness now that what I think is right is not always right for someone else. How I realize my opinion or needs are not more important than someone elses.... how I know I am not perfect, or sometimes not even the best person I could be.

I am happy that I live in a country where I am allowed to express how I feel, talk about what I think is right and/or wrong, encourage dialogue on hot topics and how I am allowed (for the most part) to change my mind when it is needed. I like that I can allow myself to be influenced by the experience and knowledge of those around me, or across the world. I feel pretty confident in alot of my beliefs, but make no mistake that it is not easy. I am among a majority of Canadians who don't believe that this war, and the way it is being waged, is right. I am happy our military is not involved in this aggression. But, in the circles that I move, I am sometimes in the minority - a good portion of people in my life are pro-war (although I think when I ask them about it, it appears they are more pro-american then actually pro-war). It is sometimes hard to stand up for yourself when emotions are so high, but I, thankfully, manage to do so and everyone seems to keep their dignity entact. We are allowed to disagree.

This morning Duncan threw a bunch of songs on my MP3 player for my run. It was a great morning (weather is beautiful) and I sang along to the songs whilst refelecting upon how happy I am in my life, how lucky I am, how lucky we all are. Then one of the songs surprised me... I can be your Hero (Enrique Iglesias) turned out to be a remix from the events of September 11th. George Bush's voice, in my head, "Two airplanes have crashed into the world trade centre, in an apparent terrorist attack against our country". Then more.... quotes... memories... feelings..... the day came flooding back so quickly from where I had so neatly placed it.

"Freedom itself was attacked this morning, by a faceless coward, and freedom will be defended". "People are walking around in shock. He actually acclelerated into the building.... and it exploded". "It's a scene of utter devastation." "Make no mistake, the United States will hunt down those responsible...." "... Echoes of 1941..." "So frigthened because we think something else is going to blow up" "Perhaps the second Day that will live in infamy"

I remember the day as clearly as I am sure everyone else does. I was in Cochrane, with my (other) best friend (Dawn) watching it on the TV, with my best friend (Duncan) on the phone, as we all tried to reassure ourselves. I remember the shock, the disbelief, the horror, when I first saw the scene unfolding. The first tower had already fallen down. Part of me thought we were at war, duty would call me back to the army, that I would commit to fight whatever evil has just transpired. Part of me thought it must be a trick, a hoax, a cleverly designed made for TV drama. All of me knew that my world would never be the same. There had developed, in my comfortable world, a crack, as if we were on thin ice..... and I was afraid to sneak a peak into it for fear of what I would see. I was afraid of the anger I felt, the need to punish those that had done this. I didn't want to lose control. I didn't even know who to be angry at (at the time).

Anyone who knows me well knows that I wore a ribbon, and a pin (United We Stand), collected pictures of tributes, cried many tears, and even thought of going there myself to help pick up the pieces. They also know that I was torn between my disdain for American Foriegn Policy (and thier cold war tactics) which I felt had brought this pain down upon thier people, and the anguish I felt for the victims of the WTC, the fire/police men who were killed in the aftermath, the families that would exist forever torn apart, and the absolute senslessness of it all. I was soon conscripted into the situation anyways, and into the crack I ventured as my community seemed to need me. But that is history, and not what I was thinking about all morning..... it's indeed another story.

Today I am wondering, as Baghdad lies in shambles, if the end is justified by the means. As the lives of Iraqi children have been severed I wonder if I played some part in thier deaths. I look into the eyes of my own children, see the hope and love of life contained there, and I know that what has just happened in our world can not possibly be justified, or right. There has to be another way. But I don't have the answers. Sometimes I don't even have an argument.

Some Housekeeping type stuff

There is a new poll up (go ahead and vote). Thanks to everyone who participated in the poll, it was really fun!

For those interested, here are the Results of the previous Poll (World Security):

The Question presented was "Do you believe the world will be a safer place if the US led coalition force wins the war with Iraq?"

The poll was viewed 108 times. Out of 22 respondants 14 (64%) said NO, and 8 (36%) said YES.

Also, I added a feature yesterday that knows where you are from - as long as it can determine the location of your IP address, it should welcome you as being from your city and display your countries flag. So far, the feedback I have is that it works great. Anyways, it can be found under the GUEST MAP (yes, another shameless hint....). And the site also now has an "email this page to a friend" option, under the google search bar.

Well, thats enough housekeeping for one day! I am going back to bed!

OH, SPANK ME, BABY!!!


You are a slave


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Oh yeah, and while you are here (after you take the above quiz yourself), check out this new gem I just found. I laughed my soon-to-be-spanked-ass off!

Look Ma, No Arms!



Ali: "If I don't get a pair of hands, I will commit suicide."

After April 10th, you can donate to help Ali and other Iraqi children at this website.

Things that make you go HmmMMMMmmmm....

I got a kick out of the above link..... so, check it out. It's sort of reminiscent of "Back to the Future" or "12 Monkeys" type of stuff..... but ask yourself... if you could travel back into time with info that would make you rich - would you? And... if what this guy claims to be true is true.... wouldn't that be kind of exciting? Ok, back to the real world.

My friend posted this site on her blog a couple of days ago - it's a site that shows you pictures of the war you won't see on CNN or the BBC. Some of the pictures are more then disturbing (disturbing enough I won't post them here). I had mixed emotions, mostly sad and angry, when I looked at them.... IF you think you can handle this reality of the war (or if you are one of these avid war supporters) check it out here.



So the real fighting in Baghdad appears to have started.... for a while I was (only) mildly amused by the claims of American media that American troops were in Baghdad, while the British Journalists who were actually in Baghdad (and have been all along) were saying "no you're not!". Anyways, in true American form (acting on a "hot" intelligence tip) American forces dropped four 2,000-pound "bunker-busting" bombs on a restaurant in Baghdad - demolishing it completely. The Globe and Mail reported:

"Witnesses in Baghdad said the bombs left a crater almost 20 metres deep, tore nearby orange trees from the ground and left in their wake a mound of concrete, wrecked iron and shredded personal effects. Iraqi rescue workers using a bulldozer to search the rubble said that three bodies had been recovered — those of a small boy, a headless young woman and an elderly man — and that the death toll could be as high as 14".

BODIES of a SMALL BOY, a headless YOUNG WOMAN and an ELDERLY MAN. There better be SOME bodies, atleast SOME, of people belonging to the Baath Party leadership! Geezuz! When do we cry foul and take these big expensive (and explosive) toys away from these children!?!?! Who is making these decisions anyways?

Sigh.

In other news, there is a SARS clinic upstairs here, in my building. On Campus. Same place I work. Wonderful. I am not sure I am particularily fond of the thought, but oh well.... atleast I can eat in a resturant and not be vaporized...

My friend Michele has a blog now!!!!!

IT’S THE HEALTHY THING TO DO!

Doesn’t anyone cover their mouth when they cough anymore? The bus ride this morning felt like I was captive within a bacteria/Viral haven. Ok, ok, so the coughing baby next to me isn’t likely to give me anything I haven’t already had…. But the guy at the back of the bus hacking up a lung – I don’t want whatever it is he’s got. No thank you. Cover your mouth when you cough! And yet, there I sat, on a closed up bus….. breathing….. did you know that an average human breathes about 60,000 times a day?

Did you know that the Canadian cases of SARS has now risen above 188 (maybe as many as 226) – one of the highest rates outside of Asia (where the disease began months ago)! Our Federal Health Minister, Anne McLellan, said that the federal government would invoke the Quarantine Act, if necessary.

**Shudder**

I don’t know what to think about this SARS stuff. It doesn’t help the media portrayal of it, or the way some Doctors publicly "recall" ” the similarities between the beginnings of SARS and the also humble beginnings of the 1918 Spanish Flu (which by the way only killed 22 million people). But in this case, blissful ignorance may put your self, or others, at unneccessary risk…

Latest SARS news seems to indicate that Cases in Alberta aren't problematic, with only 5 cases confirmed instead of the original 7. With Canada at a total above 129, and the worldwide caseload at more than 2600 people infected (and over 100 dead), there is room for some concern. Current mortality (worldwide) rates sit at about 3 – 5%. With the development of pneumonia and/or other complications, the victims deteriorate within as little as five days. Development of a vaccine will likely take years, so won't be helpful at this time.

SARS erupted in the south China region – which has historically been known as an area where animal viruses “jump” to humans (as happened in 1997 with a strain of avian influenza virus, and maybe even the Spanish Flu). No one really knows why, but it is suspected that the close proximity between humans and animals in that region is responsible for this “odd” phenomenon. Or maybe it is just bad luck….

Here’s what else I know about SARS…

SARS is believed to be a Coronavirus. Little to no research has been done on this type of virus until this outbreak. There is currently no cure for SARS.

The main symptoms of SARS are a fever (above 38 C), a dry cough and breathing difficulties. SARS patients may also suffer from chills, headache, muscular stiffness, loss of appetite, malaise, confusion, rash and diarrhea. Also, (as if they don’t have enough problems) the onset of pneumonia.

Health experts say the disease has an incubation period of between 2-7 days, (with 3-5 days being more common) before victims manifest actual symptoms. As I said before, severe cases result in death in sometimes less than five days.

Doctors worldwide have been treating SARS with Ribavirin (an anti viral drug) and steroids (to reduce the amount of damage to the lungs). Some of the more severely affected patients have been treated with an actual serum taken from the antibodies developed by recovered patients. It is believed that if treated early, most healthy patients should be able to recover, but that’s bad news for any one with a compromised immune system…

SARS spreads through “droplets” (sneezing or coughing). Direct infection can usually occur within a radius of about 3-6 feet (1-2 meters). SARS can survive outside of the host (human) body for three to six hours (although Hong Kong experts now believe that at room temperature SARS can survive longer). This means any contact with an object that is tainted by the virus (phones, pens, keys, fast food etc) could lead to infection if a person then touches their eyes, nose or mouth. Air travel is helping it spread around the world at a high rate. SARS is the reason for the first disease-based travel warning issued in the World Health Organization's entire 55-year history.

Health experts have not ruled out that SARS could be airborne.

WHO has stated that SARS “appears” to be less infectious than influenza (and is even less contagious when protective measures are used), but Hong Kong's health chief has claimed the virus to be highly infectious. It's not comfortable when the officials/experts can't agree... but it can't hurt to ere on the side of caution...

It is believed that SARS can be killed by a solution of water and common household bleach. For prevention, extra care with hygiene is recommended, washing hands often with soap, and avoiding touching the mouth, eyes or nose. Some people have begun wearing masks, and some governments have recommended this action. Take care people. Wash your hands.... buy a mask if you must, but COVER YOUR MOUTH when you cough and or sneeze!

Achu, Achu, We all fall down........

Glory Glory Hallelujah

Didn't do much of anything (or as Duncan said we had the "most unproductive day in the history of humanity") today! We dragged the mattress downstairs, climbed into our new PJ's, shut out the world and snuggled in for the hedonist type orgy of fun that was to transpire.... What a better way to spend a quiet weekend waiting for the snow and cold to pass (wasn't it spring, btw?)?

Amongst other things we enjoyed movies (What Lies Beneath, Apollo 13, 2001, Shakesphere in Love), games (Zelda) and TV dinners (there was "chicken nuggets as well, but I loathe to say that I either enjoyed them or believed them to be Chicken). All other events are private! (wink wink, nod nod).



I have had much fun being Duncan's "Tingle" while we play Zelda together. It's a blast! Much fun, I highly recommend it!

It's your life... play hard!

A Swedish Lunch Box Full of Liberty Cabbage

Some of you may have seen this before, but it is always worth presenting once again…..

An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing," on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

I was gifted with breakfast in bed this morning!!!!!! Duncan made me eggs and bacon and toast and coffee! What a sweetheart he is! It’s the second best thing to wake up to (but I got that this morning as well)! It was a great start to the day, and the weekend too!

Raven was a little sick this morning so her and I spent an excruciating amount of time in the waiting room at the local medi clinic. We softened the harshness of that (who on earth in their right mind would want to be in a room full of coughing sick people when SARS is floating around???) by spending a good hour shopping in the local mall. We bought Raven some clothes, some hair stuff, had a quick juice/coffee stop and hung out. It was fun, and it worked… we arrived just in time to see the doctor, get a prescription and engage in the worlds fastest taxi ride ever (we were left with 8 minutes to get Raven to school and myself to work. I made it with 28.3 seconds to spare…..)

Well I admit that the past couple of days I have inflicted ignorance upon myself and tried to keep my head in the sand (so to speak) and the news on the very peripheral edge of my awareness. Today I have given up on the Ostrich Syndrome to take a peek at what’s going on in the world around me. I remain, cynical.

My first foray into the media frenzy began today with the Student Newspaper, the Gauntlet. Funny, nothing really interesting seems to be happening here on Campus except a bunch a "pro war" activists. We already know how I feel about that, so we won’t go there….. (If you don’t know what I am referring to, read my rant here )



And Saddam Hussein made a public appearance, among crowds of happy-to-see-him Iraqi's, he inspected damage and hugged babies. I guess the US needs better aim...... all that fire power and no apparent talent...... what a pity.

In other news.... US military planners are devising a strategy to seize control of Baghdad..... wait that's news? Hmmm. What else were they thinking of doing in Baghdad? Stop in for BBQ?

Anyways, my weekend is about to start - I just got home from work and shopping (I bought all the supplies two people might need to spend an entire weekend inside snuggled up - including new PJ's!!!) and I am going to bathe, put on my new sexy PJ's, pull the mattress downstairs into the living room and turn on the TV. On the agenda for the weekend is watching Duncan finish Zelda, and watching any number of the new movies he bought me! Yay weekend. Relax, yes... Anxiety, no!

The Calm before the Storm

Does anyone else feel it too? Like we are collectively holding our breath, waiting? But we aren't sure what we are waiting for?

The dagger is clearly pointed at the heart of the regime



RANDOM DAILY FACT:
(from Iraq bodycount.com)

The B-2 bomber carries sixteen 2'000 lb. JDAM bombs. This bomb has a specified margin of error of 13 meters, and everyone within a 120 meter radius is killed while everyone within 365 meters is affected by serious shrapnel damage, while to be safe from any effects of fragmentation a person must be 1000 meters away from impact.

I am obviously thinking of the war today, with the coalition soposedly ready to enter Baghdad, my thoughts are there... although I must admit everyday the war gets a little more tedious and the news of the outbreak of SARS edges curiously to the position of closer to home. I remain, currently, comfortably on the outskirts of paranoia, which isn't close to panic (but you can see it from there). Regardless, I am aware of it's existance but am unsure of how to categorize it into the current criseses of my life. We shall wait and see for more information on the cases in Calgary/Alberta. For more info check out Calgary Health Region and Alberta Health.

I am at work late today, until 6:00pm actually. It's always quiet on days like this, but it tends to be boring for someone who enjoys stimulation as much as I do. It's an absolutly dismal day outside today, blowing snow has limited visibilty and created a winter wonderland for all to see (but it's SPRING she cries in desperation). I am looking forward to going home... to enjoying some dinner (chicken) and watching Shakespeare in Love, curled up in a blanket with Duncan, hot chocolate and a fire blazing in the hearth.

Before work this morning I went for coffee with Cathy and then clothes shopping, and even with us both in a mood (that time of the month for both of us) we had a blast. I took Cathy to that dress store that Duncan got my cute little blue dress at last year, and they had an amazing sale! Cathy bonused 4 or 5 outfits (dress/suits/formal) for $260.00! Exciting stuff.

I was reading LT Smash's Blog today and found this nice heart warming story of some good old american boys. I wanted to share it with you, and it's my blog, so here it is...

"Martin Savidge of CNN, embedded with the 1st Marine battalion, was talking with 4 young Marines near his foxhole this morning live on CNN. He had been telling the story of how well the Marines had been looking out for and taking care of him since the war started. He went on to tell about the many hardships the Marines had endured since the war began and how they all look after one another. He turned to the four and said he had cleared it with their commanders and they could use his video phone to call home. The 19 year old Marine next to him asked Martin if he would allow his platoon sergeant to use his call to call his pregnant wife back home whom he had not been able to talk to in three months. A stunned Savidge who was visibly moved by the request shook his head and the young Marine ran off to get the sergeant. Savidge recovered after a few seconds and turned back to the three young Marines still sitting with him and asked which one of them would like to call home first, the Marine closest to him responded with out a moments hesitation “ Sir, if is all the same to you we would like to call the parents of a buddy of ours, Lance Cpl Brian Buesing of Cedar Key, Florida who was killed on 3-23-03 near Nasiriya to see how they are doing”. At that Martin Savidge totally broke down and was unable to speak. All he could get out before signing off was “Where do they get young men like this?”."

Stories like that make me think there still is some hope for us.

"We don't do Body Counts."
- General Tommy Franks

Well, maybe somebody should... Oh, wait.....

Coalition Deaths
Coalition MIA/POW
Iraqi Civilians

LANE ENDS 200M



You know how sometimes there is an undisclosed mild under current of unjustified annoyance in your existance? Well, it's close to that time of the month for me... so thats where I am at (need I say more?). I am not feeling entirely creative blog-wise, and although I am not completely disinterested in blogging I am not sure I have anything monumentous to contribute. But I have been reading many blogs today, entertained by blogs on my blog roll and blogs on their blog rolls, and so on and so on. I will share a bit of what I have found.

I found this great page (somewhere? Maybe Wil Wheatons blog?) of a conversation between a Peace Nik and a War Monger. It's a good read, and more entertaining then I feel right now!

I stumbled on a blog full of political satire comics relating to Operation Enduring Freedom and the War on Terror and other related American pop culture issues. Check it out if you don't mind a few (ok maybe lots) swear words.

Read Peter Arnett's account of events leading up to his being fired. He will begin reporting for a UK media outlet now. He says "I don't want to give aid and comfort to the enemy - I just want to be able to tell the truth. I came to Baghdad with my crew because the Iraqi side needs to be heard too. It is clear the original timetable that America would be in Baghdad by the end of March has fallen by the wayside".



My friend Kevin recorded a song (called American Legion) and you can listen to it on Guerrilla News Network. His song is Track Four... Set to music by Legion, the track features the voices of George W. Bush, NPR’s Kate Seelye, Assan Boulegia (Saudi businessman), Michael Moore, Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., and John Fitzgerald Kennedy. In Kevin's words... "As the ghosts of empires past haunt our nations we must decide what will be our legacy. This question confronts me more and more as I open the newspaper each day. This track I believe captures the angst and apprehension as we all wonder what the final results of conflict will bring and at what price".

I had many comments on my March 31st post regarding the Global Politics Quiz Questions, and a friend wisely compared them to the facts outlined in Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine". Ofcourse, if you haven't seen that movie... go see it!

Wow... isn't funny how I can say so much when I actually have nothing to say? Oh, I was checking out our web/blog page stats: for the past week or so they have proven pretty exciting, with 2400 or so visits from Canada, the USA, UK, Islamic Republic of Iran, Korea, India, Mexico, Poland, Israel and Singapore. I wonder how to get more peeps to sign my guestmap? That was a hint, by the way!

Cheers everyone!